Bad Habit

Lately that feeling has come back…. There was once someone in my life, a friend and at times I have also considered this person to be much more than a friend.
This is a friend I treasure, a friend I do not wish to lose, a friend I know who will always care and want the best for me and I hold the same for him.
Maybe it is because of this strong friendship that has made him become my bad habit.

When did this feeling first start…. Probably about 3 or 4 years ago now, we have drifted apart at times but we always come back to each other and that distance, seemed it never existed. This feeling I have, I’m sure its only one sided.

Another friend mentioned something to me last night and it got me thinking (hence this post)…..

Today I’ve started to think more about what my other friend said, maybe this feeling isn’t innocent and sincere any more, maybe I’m the one becoming the bad habit, maybe I subconsciously want to see how far I can go or push the waters, can I make him fall for me.

This thought scares me as why would I want to do that. It could potentially ruin things. I do not think I actually like this friend in that way anymore, and my other friend seems to agree.

So then why?? Maybe its just that human instinct that wants to have what it cannot.

He’s happy now and I am for him too, but there seems to be something dark about our friendship, maybe we’re both just as bad as each other.

But even knowing this I still continue as before, not want to change anything.

(This post doesn’t make much sense, an leaves a lot of holes and gaps, but this is more of a ‘me’ post).

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